


The Sunflower and the Rose

by bodylikeabattleaxe



Category: SBIAL, Sierra Burgess Is a Loser
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bodylikeabattleaxe/pseuds/bodylikeabattleaxe
Summary: "Why does everyone think I'm a lesbian?"Sierra Burgess is trying to get Jamey to keep falling for her, but what if she falls for someone else instead?





	1. Mitosis

Sierra couldn’t believe they’d somehow pulled off the kiss switch. She could still feel Jamey’s lips on hers, still feel the tug deep in her stomach as he reached for her not-blonde-or-straight hair and she pulled away.

She had to pull away. Couldn’t let him find out, couldn’t let him see her for who she was. That’s the only reason why the kiss didn’t feel quite right. The only logical reason.

Her steering wheel made a small squeak as she turned into her driveway and she realized just how tight she’d been gripping it. Her brain was swimming, spinning, excitement and thrill and dread all at once. She wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to do this.

There were two texts waiting for her when she got out of the shower and crawled into bed.

 **Jamey:** _I had such a great time with you tonight :) Are you headed to sleep?_

 **Veronica:** _He was very polite on the drive home, didn’t go for a second kiss or anything. Hey can you send me a picture of that drawing you made with the metophase stuff for bio? I’m still kind of lost and it was pretty helpful._

She texted back.

_*Metaphase :P and do you mean the doodle on the corner of my notes?_

**Veronica:** _lol whatever it made more sense than the weird diagram on the board_

She leaned out of bed and rummaged through her backpack, pulling out her biology notebook. They’d only briefly glanced at this the other night, more focused on “impress the college boy” tutoring and not actually studying. But as Sierra pointed out, Veronica still had to pass her classes to keep up the facade. She flipped through the pages and sent the picture.

 **Veronica:** _Thank youuuuu you’re the best babe. Goodnight!_

Babe? Sierra really didn’t understand this A-Crowd version of friendship she’d fallen into sometimes. What was she supposed to say back here - cutie? Sweetheart? Turning over pet names in her head was weird and the idea of calling Veronica sweetheart made her feel… nauseous? Something like that.

_No problem hon. We can go over it tomorrow again if you want. Sweet dreams._

It wasn’t until the next morning that she realized she’d forgotten to text Jamey back.


	2. Old Reliable

Somehow, being at Veronica’s made her feel calm, even through all the chaos around the house. Veronica had stopped coming down to greet her - she just walked right in, dodging Brody and Scooter’s baton as their twirling had become hurling. She picked it up off the floor and tossed it back to them without a second thought. 

Even with Dan, she’d never had the kind of friendship where she felt this comfortable in someone else’s home. It seemed that after the first visit hadn’t scared her away, Veronica figured Sierra could handle most anything.

When Sierra walked into her room, Veronica was wearing just a bra, standing over an open dresser drawer. 

“Hey, give me just a minute,” Veronica said over her shoulder, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to not be completely dressed when you’re expecting a friend.

Sierra was realizing more and more lately that having Dan as a best friend meant she’d really missed out on how close female friendships worked. Her and Dan were always comfortable together, but there was a consistent distance there - always being covered up, changing in bathrooms, no casual touching. As she looked at Veronica she realized she hadn’t ever seen another girl in a bra like this. Sure, maybe in the locker room when they were all avoiding eye contact and she hid in the broken shower to change. But not one on one like this. Not so close.

Veronica really was attractive in every conventional sense. Cheerleading made her stomach toned and her biceps showed ever so slightly under her skin. The bra wasn’t what Sierra would call nice - it was kind of a ratty thing with yellow-stained armpits and fraying lace. But it fit her well. Something told her this was Veronica’s old reliable bra, the comfortable one you just can’t get rid of even when it’s ripping at the seams. Veronica closed the drawer and opened another, stretching on her toes ever so slightly. The light from the open curtains hit the peach-fuzz hair on her stomach, growing the tiniest bit darker and longer until it was almost in a line below her belly button, trailing to the top of her jeans…

“What?” Veronica’s eyebrow was quirked at her.

Sierra snapped back into focus. “Sorry, I was, uh,”

“I know this bra is ancient, okay?” She rolled her eyes as she slipped her chosen T-shirt over her head and fluffed her hair from underneath the collar. “It’s too comfortable to toss. It’s not exactly my date bra or anything.”

“Oh, I completely understand,” Sierra responded, pulling back her stack of books as Veronica sat down on the bed. “My boobs are too big for regular stores so I have to get the expensive ones, I wear them until they’re ripping at the seams and the underwire tries to stab me in the eye.”

Veronica laughed and casually brushed her hand over the side of Sierra’s left breast and held it there, pondering for a second with her thumb almost on Sierra’s nipple before pulling away and reaching down for her phone. “Jeez, they don’t look  _ that  _ gigantic. I’ll have to help you shop sometime.”

Sierra could actually feel that her left nipple was hard. That’s not really a sensation she’d ever noticed before and it was weird. She’d gotten a strange and sudden twinge when Veronica touched her, like a full-body shiver with more attention below her belt than she was used to. Well, no one had ever really touched her breasts before, so it made sense that her body was just a bit confused, right? She grabbed the closest philosophy book and opened to Plato again before Veronica could get too sucked into her Instagram.


	3. Only at Parties

Somehow an evening that started with Plato was ending with Veronica dragging her along to a party. This was a house party on level with some kind of bad movie, it didn’t even feel real as she drank some kind of fruit punch from the stereotypical red cup. She realized it was definitely alcoholic as it made her stomach turn when she sipped it.

Well, her stomach was already turning. She was trying to pretend like hearing Veronica talk about lezzing out at parties didn’t make her curious. Like the word lesbian rolling off her tongue after spending twenty minutes with her face 6 inches from Veronica’s didn’t make her feel her heartbeat in her throat. Like the way Veronica touched her like it was the easiest thing in the world didn’t seem like the hardest thing she could imagine.

When Veronica got pulled away by her friends and the guys showed up to get Sierra to do a keg stand, it was a welcome distraction. Afterwards she stumbled outside where, against her better judgement after downing so much beer, she grabbed another cup. More fruit punch alcohol. It tasted sickeningly sweet after the beer but she gulped it anyways. Veronica was standing, swaying slightly, watching the raucous party action below with an almost nostalgic look on her face. Sierra came up behind her and threw her arms around her in a hug, making her jump.

“Sorry! Drunk Sierra needed someone to lean on, I think,” she tried to joke.

Veronica was covering her mouth and laughing. “I can’t believe you’re already drunk! Though the keg stand probably sped that up.”

Sierra scrunched her face against the red cup. “You saw that?”

“Sure did. You’re a real party animal now.”

As they chatted, Sierra spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Spence. He was lounging by the tiny blow up pool, sharing a cigarette between a guy with bright blonde hair and a girl with a swimsuit on. She tried not to stare but found she couldn’t look away, and Veronica followed her gaze.

“Well, shit. Do you think he saw me?”

Sierra shook her head. “Nah, he’s focused on the bimbo in a bikini. The _dry_ bimbo. Why is she wearing that? Did she somehow know there was going to be a kiddie pool with vodka in it?”

“He’s staring at her tits,” Veronica said through gritted teeth, not looking away.

Sierra was trying to hold herself together and thought downing more of the drink would help, but that only made her gag. She laughed under her breath.

“Just means you need to give him something else to stare at. What was it you said you only did at parties?” She felt hot, was it hot out here? Did alcohol make you hot? She slid her denim jacket off her shoulders and dropped it to the ground. Wait, what had she just said?

Veronica looked over at her, arms folded across her chest, and shrugged. “I mean, maybe. He’d have to actually see me though.”

There was a small group of guys next to them on the patio, they’d just come from inside and Sierra could see their full cups of beer. They were cheering on more guys below who were throwing toilet paper into the trees.

Sierra nodded towards the crowd. “I’m sure they’d hoot and holler for anything at this point, especially if we got their attention. That would get him to look up.”

Why was she trying this?

“Good point. It does always get guys going.”

Why was it _working?_

“So, wave at the nice boys and lets get this show on the road,” Sierra said as she clapped her hands together.

Veronica took Sierra’s direction and stuck her arm in the air without a second thought. The group of college boys were looking over, eyebrows raised, turning and walking towards them.

Veronica didn’t give her much time to think. She placed her hands on Sierra’s hips, threading one finger through her right belt loop, and pulled her over. Not forceful, just firm. Sierra was expecting more of a stage kiss - lips closed, barely brushing, just enough for the attention. She wasn’t expecting the way Veronica sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, running her tongue along it. She tried to keep up, the beer and the punch made her head clouded, but she managed to kiss back, her tongue reaching out along Veronica’s top lip. Her arms found their way to her back, pulling her closer, touching the bra underneath her shirt. When Veronica reached up to touch her hair she almost jumped back - thinking of the way Jamey had tried to touch it - but she was brought back to the moment. Veronica knew exactly who she was kissing. And she seemed to like it.

Just as expected, the guys they’d found were whooping like they would at one of their college football games. Their whoops were dying down ever so slightly but Veronica didn’t stop the kiss. Her fingers were threaded into Sierra’s hair now, gripping hard and, holy shit, Veronica’s tongue was actually in her mouth. She touched it against her own, she was grabbing Veronica’s hair, her tongue slipping into Veronica’s mouth as well, her hand sliding along that perfect stomach, the shirt riding up just enough to where she could feel the hot, bare skin-

“Wow babe, that is so fucking hot.”

She didn’t recognize the voice but Veronica did. Veronica pulled back fast, but her hand was still in Sierra’s hair. She looked over Sierra's shoulder at the deep voice that must have belonged to Spence and grinned at him. They were still wrapped around each other like they were slow dancing - Veronica’s hands up top and Sierra’s below. She didn’t want to move yet. She didn’t want to take her hand out from underneath Veronica’s shirt until she had to.

“Babe, huh? That mean you’re ready to talk?” Veronica’s voice was dripping, sultry. She wasn’t moving yet. Her thumb traced circles on Sierra’s neck.

“Oh I’m ready for more than that.”

“I’ll be back in a few, cutie.” Sierra realized ‘cutie’ was for her. Veronica pulled back her hands, forcing Sierra to pull away as well, and booped her nose before taking Spence’s hand and heading towards the driveway.

The college guys were approaching her now. One of them reached a hand out towards her and she hit it away with such a force that his beer flung across the deck.


	4. How Do You Know

When Sierra awoke the next morning, she felt like Veronica’s fingerprint was still on her nose - pressing down, hot and firm. 

“... like I was a goddamn cat,” Sierra whispered to herself as she tried not to fall out of bed. What had she done last night once she got home? It was all a blur.

She looked at her phone, laying next to her face down, with a tiny bit of drool still on the corner. There was a google query open.

“How do yui know ypur bisexuak” … Oh. 

Underneath, “Did you mean  ‘how do you know if you’re bisexual?’” 

She had no idea what she meant.

Climbing into the shower she felt the hot water ping her skin and the steam she breathed seemed to help her collect her thoughts. She’d called Jamey last night. She remembered pieces.

_ What if I don’t like who I’m supposed to like? _

_ Do you think you aren’t supposed to like me?  _ He asked, his voice dropping.

_ No, not that. Like… hey, didn’t you say one time that you liked guys? _

_ What? No I was kidding. I’m not gay, Veronica.  _

_ You don’t have to be gay, Jamey. You could be the other one. Both. _

_ Both what? _

Sierra barely slid out of the shower in time before retching into the toilet. This hangover was hitting her hard. 

She couldn’t say it out loud on the phone and couldn’t type it either, apparently. But the word stuck in her head - neon and flashing. She’d always assured people - her parents, Veronica’s mom, half the school at this point - that she wasn’t gay. That part was true. She liked guys. But what if she wasn’t straight either? Wait, what if she’d said that to Jamey on the phone last night? He hadn’t texted her yet this morning and she was a little scared to initiate anything.

There wasn’t as much time for soul-searching as before she could leave for school, her parents decided to corner her about the drinking. She’d forgotten that her pathway through the yard was perfectly within the view of their wifi-enabled security cameras. They’d probably gotten a notification, ‘drunken teenager activity detected.’ It devolved into their typical bickering - always bouncing between her mom’s self-esteem-building emotional growth and her father’s attempt at being a true disciplinarian.

By mid-day she still hadn’t gotten a text back from Jamey and her head was buzzing. What if she’d told him she was bi? Which would mean… what if she’d accidentally called  _ Veronica _ bi? Veronica was obviously 100% into guys, especially with the way she’d skipped off to be with Spence the night before like it was her one true calling.

She tried to confide in Dan after she felt low over forgetting her poetry assignment, and about Veronica ditching her at the party, but he was just mad that she had in fact started the ditching by skipping out on slasher night. She tried to explain but suddenly she was being turned around forcefully by her shoulders.

Veronica was there, looking distraught, and pulled her in for a crushing hug. She flashed back to Veronica touching her last night and her whole body flushed. Wait, did Veronica just hug her in front of everyone? Were they that level of friends now?

“He dumped me!” Veronica choked out.

Shit. God, this guy was a dick. She was trying to focus on comforting Veronica as her words spilled out through tears, but Dan stood by baffled.

“What the shit?” he asked, and she waved him off. She knew she’d have to fill him in at some point but not now. Not when Veronica needed her.

She was tugged down the hallway, holding onto Veronica’s arm as they found somewhere private to talk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life kept happening as I tried to continue this but I finally got to it! Here you go... More to come soon.


	5. Can We Talk?

When they finally slipped into the bathroom, Sierra’s heart was pounding. And not just because she’d ran halfway across the school.

She’d started to think about Veronica officially not being with Spence anymore. She’d started to think about how she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with Jamey anymore. And how their friendship was hinged on these two guys. If they were both out of the picture, would Veronica still want to hang out with her? 

Sometimes it seemed like Veronica genuinely liked being around her. She thought back to when they were messing around on Veronica’s bed, taking selfies and laughing. She thought about the moment Veronica was leaning back off the bed and staring at her, seemingly measuring her - maybe wondering how she befriended this loser. But she was probably kidding herself. Veronica was willing to put up with her because she got something out of this. What happened when the trade was off?

“I can’t believe he would do this.” Veronica sniffed and leaned against the sink as soon as the door closed. Sierra grabbed her a paper towel and dampened it under the flow of the tap, then handed it to her. Veronica laughed, “Why did you get it wet?”

“It hurts less on your face that way, not so scratchy,” Sierra sighed. “Trust me, I’ve cried in bathrooms enough to know all the tricks.”

Veronica’s brows furrowed and she reached out, grabbing Sierra’s hand. She was expecting just a friendly squeeze but Veronica threaded their fingers and held on. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s, um, it’s fine. Hormonal teenage tears are a thing. Anyways. I’m sorry about Spence. You know, you learned a lot and you are getting great at this philosophy stuff. We should definitely keep studying it. Screw him if he didn’t appreciate that.”

“He barely gave me a chance to talk. All he wanted to do was make out. And get in my pants.”

“Did he?” Sierra blurted out, though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

Veronica laughed, dabbing her eyes with the towel. “God, no. I mean, I did give him a handjob, mostly to just get him to not try and go further.”

“That doesn’t exactly sound good.”

“It wasn’t,” she paused, looking down at their entwined hands and running her thumb over Sierra’s fingers. “Honestly, I don’t know why I did any of that. I’m still mad that he dumped me again. And it hurts. I just wanted to prove to him that I was smart and I didn’t even get to do that. I think now a part of me just… doesn’t want him back anymore.”

Sierra’s palm was hot and she was sure it was sweating. 

“Let me get you another towel, your face is getting all wet.” 

She wrangled her hand out of Veronica’s grasp, wiping it on her jeans. She handed the dry towel to Veronica and saw she’d gotten her phone out. “Well, some people just suck. If he doesn’t like you for you then screw him anyway.”

Veronica was looking at her Instagram again, where Spence had dumped her with a message. “This never would have happened if I was dating someone like Jamey. You’re right, I just need to find someone who likes me for me. You’re lucky.”

“Lucky that he likes me for looking like you? Yeah right.” Sierra shook her head. “Wait... do you like him?”

“No!” Veronica snapped. She tilted her head and slipped her phone back into her bag. “Do  _ you  _ still like him?”

“What? Well yeah, what do you mean?”

“You literally just scoffed at him for only liking you because he thinks you look like me. So... Do you still like someone who doesn’t even see you?”

“Of course he sees me. He talks to me every day,” she felt her breath hitch as she remembered he hadn’t texted her yet today. She still had no memory of what all she’d said to him last night. She felt like that stupid cat experiment they talked about in physics - her relationships were both destroyed and fine all at once.

Veronica folded her arms across her chest. “Sure, he talks to you. But seriously, if he can’t like you after he knows what you really look like, he’s an idiot.”

“Don’t… don’t give me that ‘we’re all beautiful’ bullshit, okay? It doesn’t mean much coming from the actual pretty girl.”

“Sierra, babe,” Veronica stopped for a second. That word turned over in Sierra’s head,  _ babe _ , just like she’d texted to her. What was with the pet names? They were both leaned back against the sink now, close together, and Sierra could practically feel Veronica’s chest move as she took a deep breath. “You are also a pretty girl.”

She tried to look away but Veronica grabbed the collar of her jacket, pulling gently so she would turn her head. Veronica was smiling softly and Sierra caught herself looking down at her lips.

Veronica’s hand wasn’t moving. Her knuckles rested on Sierra’s collarbone. Sierra swallowed hard and tried to collect her thoughts but she couldn’t find a thing to say. She noticed Veronica’s eyes were misty again.

“Hey. Are you okay, Ronnie?” Sierra asked quietly, her hand reaching up to Veronica’s face instinctively before the tears could fall. 

Veronica leaned into her touch, almost nuzzling against her. Sierra’s heart was in her throat. What was happening? They were standing there, facing each other, touching each other, nothing but silence between them. Veronica wasn’t moving away from her. Did she just get closer? Hell, they were less than a foot apart now. She could kiss her. 

Again.

The door to the bathroom swung open and they both jumped apart. It was a scared looking freshman, holding a small vape pen tight to her chest.

“Oh shit, sorry. Do y’all mind?” 

Sierra rolled her eyes. “Whatever kid, they’re your lungs. We’ll leave you to your nicotine.”

Veronica was already halfway out the door as Sierra grabbed her bag and followed her. They both shook their heads at each other and laughed.

“Seriously, I can’t believe the freshmen vape now, it’s so gross,” Veronica said, mimicking a gag as she looked back towards the bathroom. She was nearly on the other side of the hallway from Sierra now. Why did she move so far away?

“It’s giving the eighteen year old seniors a steady income stream at least,” Sierra joked back. There, they were bantering again, right?

“Alright, I should actually get to class,” Veronica said as she rounded the corner, not stopping, just looking over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight!”

Sierra’s chest felt tight as she watched Veronica walk down the hall. She felt her phone buzz and opened the screen.

**Jamey:** _ Hey babe, how was your day? Are you feeling ok or hungover? _

She almost bristled. Here she had been waiting all day to see if he would text her, and yet she didn’t feel excited at all, just annoyed. Honestly she'd just wanted to see if she’d confessed something to him and the casual tone seemed to say that she hadn’t. She didn’t even feel like texting back, reading over it one more time and rolling her eyes at the first part. She liked it better when Veronica was the one calling her babe.

Oh. Oh shit.


End file.
